Weekly Dish Blog - My Daughter the Hobo

In a nutshell, I am on bed rest at home with our second child, we have an almost three-year-old and my husband is the sweetest most helpful father/husband in the world. That being said…here’s a gem of a story that happened in our world last week.

After a long day of work, my husband came home to a bored but beat bed resting wife, a house-happy toddler still in her PJs and a grocery list. He took a few minutes to say hello, put down his things and ask about our day. Then he sprung into Dad mode to conquer the PJ’d kid and the grocery list. He takes my daughter back to her bedroom to get her dressed and ready to face the public at the grocery store, where many of our friends shop. From my assigned seat on the couch, I can hear the hubbub of shirt, pants, socks, shoes, sweatshirt and the debate about each individual clothing item. After some minutes, she emerges from her bedroom, comes to the couch to give me a kiss goodbye and she looks like a hobo. Yes, a full blown, sleeping in a box homeless person.

Of course I am grateful that my husband thought to change her out of PJs, that he was taking her to the store with him and that he was going to the grocery store with a rambunctious toddler after his long day of work…all with a smile on his face. But the kid seriously looked like she needed a good home. Let’s start at the bottom. Her feet were kept warm with a pair of white socks. On top of the socks she sported her favorite shoes – hot pink glitter incrusted ballet slippers. In case you are worried that her feet weren’t warm enough, never fear. Somehow, they managed to find the pair of khaki pants at the very back of her drawer – the ones that were two sizes too big. The cuffs of the pants were falling way past her feet, the crotch was down to her knees and the waist was only staying up because of the stacking layers of khaki pant beneath it. On the top, they again managed to find something that was two sizes too big (I swear the child has plenty of warm clothes that actually fit her). On top, she proudly wore a bright red, hooded Mickey Mouse sweatshirt. When a hooded sweatshirt is too big and a kid isn’t wearing an undershirt, the result is an awkward V-neck in the front (bare skin showing in the “V”) and a massive hood protruding from their back like a turtle shell. She looked like she was going to fall backwards from the weight of the exceptionally large hood. And lastly, the hair…oh the hair. You have to understand that my daughter, from a very young age, has had a mop to beat all mops. The child’s hair is out of control, thick, wavy, grows like mad and is only tamable by a specific process that we’ve taken much time to master. And keep in mind, she was still in her PJs, so no effort was put into her hair since the day prior (that’s a full night’s sleep and one nap ago). So what did he do to make her hair presentable? Not a thing. It was completely overlooked, despite her striking resemblance to a midget version of Carrot Top. And let’s not forget the must-have accessory of the season, a white furry purse filled with small toys that she was carrying on her arm like an old woman carries her handbag through a bad part of town. Again, I was just happy that she was clothed and the grocery shopping was getting done. Before they leave for the store I kiss them goodbye, wish them luck and, like all good parents, I take a picture of my hobo daughter. Still need convincing that she looked like a hobo? It gets better . . .

As my husband is pushing the cart through the aisles of the local grocery store, my daughter is doing her typical social butterfly bit of saying hello to everyone they pass, asking fellow shoppers their name, looking in their cart to discuss its contents, telling them what we’re buying, telling them what we won’t buy for her…etc. Apparently, she said hello to a kind-hearted woman along the way and left an impression. Fast forward through the shopping list, my husband and daughter were standing in the checkout line. This woman came up to my husband and said “I don’t have children of my own, may I?” My husband was confused by the question, but being in a public place in a safe town, hesitantly said “ok.” She reached into one of her grocery bags, pulls out a bright red ladybug pillow pet, hands it to my daughter and says “Merry Christmas!” The woman hands my husband the receipt for the item in case my daughter already had a lady bug pillow pet, the woman had just purchased it from the grocery store. My daughter, of course, was in love. My husband was very surprised, to say the least, and kindly thanked the woman for her unexpected kindness. They finish their shopping and head home.

My daughter comes running to my place on the couch upon her return from the store. She is proudly waiving her new lady bug. I ask where she got it (thinking that my husband was nuts for buying her a toy with an over-the-top Christmas in her very near future). She said, “A lady gave it to me.” I confusedly look up at my husband for the details of her story and he proceeds to tell me. He ends the story with, “I think the woman thought I was a widower or something and thought I was handsome, so she was being nice to my kid.” I immediately countered his argument with “No! It’s because our daughter looks like she is homeless! You took her to the store, looking like that, and people thought she was underprivileged. This woman probably thought she would bless the poor child with an extra gift this year, seeing as how her angel tree sponsor would probably only get her one or two gifts, making for a sparse Christmas.” We agreed to disagree. I’m just saying, I’ve been taking my daughter with me everywhere I go for the last three years and she’s never gotten a handout from a stranger.

To conclude, I don’t at all want this to come across as ragging on my husband. I even read this to him before posting to ensure that his feelings were not hurt, the intent is to pass along a humorous story that made bedresting a little more fun for an evening. I don’t want anyone to think he is anything short of amazing, especially while our family is going through this rough patch. But he did want me to add that he has great abs and is great in bed.

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